Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make a tough choice, and you knew that doing the right thing would cause you grief? I was recently there. I found myself struggling with what I knew in my heart, and with what I knew in my head. I was standing there trying to decide what was the best thing to do for all those involved. It left me terribly conflicted. On the one hand was the abuse I knew I was going to endure, and on the other hand, the safety and protection of everything and everyone that was involved.
My first thought was to just forget it. I thought, man this isn’t worth it. I should just forget this and go on about my business. Why should I stick my neck out and get it chopped off? After all, it’s always the one’s that you help the most that hurt you the most. I asked myself, “Do you really want to go there Steve?”
After a short bout with self pity and the “Why me?” thoughts, I came to my senses and began to think of the others who were involved. I thought about the need for those persons involved to understand the true nature of what they had done. This was a moment of education–lessons could be learned and character could be examined and taught, judgment would be challenged and behavior would most definitely be curbed. I sensed, that should we overcome this challenge together, everyone would be stronger as a result. I truly thought that others would see the benefits of this and that I was going to have tremendous support moving forward. God had exposed things and brought things into the open. God had shined His light on something that would have prevented catastrophe in the future. Conflict would bring us to a position of strength. How could I possibly be so selfish as to think that this wasn’t worthy of taking some abuse?
True love for someone is not just giving them everything they want. Love doesn’t overlook or support poor choices and poor character. True love exposes inappropriate behaviors and deals with it strongly, all for the purpose of change. Real love looks into the future and says, “I want what is best for you without regard to what it costs me.” It says, “I care about your future and what you become.” It asks the question, “Where are you heading?” Love challenges higher performance and often times wants more for us than we want for ourselves. It isn’t a relationship without accountability, responsibility, or correction. True love is as Hebrews says,
[quote style=”boxed” float=”right”]“My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons…. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” (Heb 12:5-11)[/quote]
How could I possibly be a man that would just cover up a situation and not deal with it? No, I had to do something for this situation that would draw a map to a future filled with the goodness of God. Everyone in the situation need to know that character counts and that integrity is vital to becoming your best. Yes, I have to make a point here. First, to the people involved and then to everyone watching to see if I would be a man of my word. Could I be trusted? Could those who follow see the value in me that they have invested in? So I made a choice and it was the right one. I did what I knew was best no matter what it cost me.
Isn’t it interesting that Jesus suffered the most abuse from those he loved the most. His people rejected him. He was humiliated by the very people that He reached out to. He was rejected, ridiculed, despised, and crucified all for the love that He gave for His brothers. He had given to them, and they had received of Him. However, when Jesus began to show them a new way and began to correct their old way they refused to accept it. They hung Him because He loved them (John 3:16). It’s that simple.
I have found this to be true in my own experience. Not only with regard to my own life, but also in the lives of those that I pastor. Challenging people to go to the next level in their lives often causes the most resistance. People seem resistant to change. Albert Einstein once said that the definition for insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. How profoundly true. I am amazed at how varied the responses are that accompany moments of confrontation.
My pastor has always said that mature, spiritual christians resolve conflict. Bitterness, hostility, and strife are unacceptable and should be replaced with humility, forgiveness, and love. Believers should be the examples of better attitudes and better behaviors. We should be the model, not only to other believers, but also to the world that’s watching. How many people are affected by the poor conduct of the church? How many have left the church and avoided the church altogether due to the lack of love that’s shown? Retaliation is a worldly pursuit. Believers shouldn’t pursue retribution or revenge. Vengeance is unbecoming of those who follow Christ. How can it possibly be that the church acts in a manner that is despicable to the world that we are witnessing to? How much love is really in us if when we come to a point of conflict we become so hateful and so mean that even those who are not believers are appalled? We talk as though we desire to lead others to Christ and act as if we don’t know Him.
What is most sad to me, as a pastor, are those who refuse correction. I am grateful to my pastor for the correction he has brought in my life. I am thankful for his challenges to my character and integrity. I willingly submit to the accountability of our relationship. I have not always enjoyed the moments when I was brought to a place of introspection, but I have always risen to a higher place because of it. I respect my pastor’s position in my life. I recognize his authority. I acknowledge his calling and the covenant between us, he as the greater me as the lessor. The choice to submit to my Pastor is what makes me a son in the kingdom of God and not a bastard. I understand that as a pastor we are not eye to eye. He is not my peer, but rather my superior. I couldn’t imagine ever lowering the man of God in my life to my level. I want to hear from him in his God given office. I want to sit on the other side of his desk and sit lower, so that I am calling on the gift that is inside of him. I would never reduce him to anyone, under any situation. That is why I can always receive from him, and why I will always be blessed as the Word of God says every true obedient son will be.
To sum all of this up, I want to encourage those that I pastor and all Christians to be teachable, correctable, willing to put your pastor (and all pastors) in the proper place in your life, to be men and women of integrity, character, and true witnesses to the world that we are so desperately trying to reach. When your pastor approaches you about a situation, trust the Holy Spirit within him, and follow that leading, whether it causes you pain or not. Spend time praying for him and get to know his heart. Ask God to bring revelation to you and your pastor. Before you explode and begin defending your position hear the matter out. Look for the good and accept the opportunity to reason together. Support the man of God that God has so wonderfully placed in your life. Realize that your church and your pastor are a covering to you. They are more than just an expendable part of your life. I believe that if we will do that, then we will fulfill the great commission, and protect the church that God has established.
Pastor Steven McCartt
Family Worship Center Church of Florence SC
